Supporting a Friend in a Violent Relationship

• Don’t blame them for the abuse. Don’t say to them, ’’Why do you put up with that?’’, or ’’Why don’t you just stop talking to that guy?’’ The abuse is ALWAYS the abuser’s fault and we should instead be saying, ’’Why do they think they can do that?’’

• Don’t tell them what to do.

• Tell them the abuse is not their fault and that they deserve better in a relationship.

• Ask them if they need anything from you. Be honest about what you can and can’t do for them.

• Help them figure out ways to take care of themselves. Again don’t tell them what to do- instead ask them what they want to do. Help them get their power back by encouraging them to do things to take care of themselves.

• Help your friend figure out how to stay safe. (You can call Womenspace for a copy of our teen safety plan.)

• Help them find a professional to talk to. Womenspace has a 24 hour hotline.

• Talk to your other friends, your parents, or someone else you trust, about how you feel about knowing that your friend is being hurt.

• Call the police if you are there when a fight is happening.

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