Confronting a Friend who is Abusing their Partner

• First consider, is it safe to talk to this person? If you are not sure, bring a friend, meet in a public place, tell someone where you are going, or write or call your friend instead talking to them in person. You can always call our hotline for more safety information.

• It is important that you say something if you hear about or see your friend hurt their partner or treat them badly.

• Why is it important? If you don’t say something they may think that you agree with what they’re doing. (Think about safety. Never tell the abuser that their partner sent you to talk to them-the partner will pay for it.)

• Tell your friend that you don’t think it’s okay for them to hit or hurt their partner. (You can say ’’Hey man, I saw what happened with Jodi yesterday, that wasn’t cool.’’)

• Talk to your friend when he or she is calm. They will be too violent right after a fight.

• Make sure you don’t blame the survivor while you are talking to the abuser. Don’t say things like, ’’Yeah, he shouldn’t have been talking to that girl’’ or ’’Why doesn’t she just learn not to talk back to you when you are mad?’’ ALWAYS let the abuser know that you think they are responsible for the abuse.

• Listen to the abuser. Talk about other things they can do instead of hurting their partner.

• Support the abuser--not in their abuse, of course, but as a friend.

• Give the abuser numbers from the resource list. They need help as much as their partner.

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