People Who Choose to Batter

People who batter share some characteristics:

* A low sense of personal power.

* Low self-esteem.

* Inadequate communication skills.

* Small range of emotion and inadequate emotional vocabulary. (Not to say that this is innate, but instead that they have not been encouraged to feel or talk about any feelings outside of a few.)

* Training in manipulation and control tactics (this may be through the family unit, at school with peers, society at large, the military, etc.).

* Adherence to “power over” relationship dynamics instead of a “power with”. (Meaning batterers feel that the only way to obtain power in any relationship is for one person to have power over another.)

* Life in denial about their violence. (Believe that it could be worse and therefore that they aren’t doing much damage.)

* Making excuses for the abuse (which do include anger and alcohol) and apologize as a way to maintain control of the victim.

* The ability to change, but in order to do so must first be held accountable for their violence and second make a commitment (at least a year of a batterer-intervention program) to change.

* Having a community or a sub-community that encourages, validates and supports their violence.

* Having rigid ideas about the way men and women should be. (In heterosexual relationships.)

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